I can't take it anymore

I guess I can't take it anymore. This is where I can be true so why hide at all?

Have you experienced the feeling of being bittersweet yet so poignant that you can't pinpoint which is the bitter and the sweet?

You trusted someone and you can't imagine how a trust can turn so treacherous... The bitterness I felt was because I considered you as a friend. I thought, of all people, you would understand. You would support me. But there you are, just because I was not there, you kissed him. Was it sweet?

I need to wash my hands on this. You said you miss me. He said, he misses me. I can't just see the two of you and think of you as friends anymore. You knew and he knew how I felt about him. You know how I treasure our friendship and how I treasure what he and I had.

I don't' have the right, I know. But you also don't have the right to back-stab me even if you did not mean to. It's over, Lestat.

Post Valentines Post

Valentines was a so so affair. I had work until 8:30 PM. While on my way, you can see couples holding hands and kissing. Well, good for them.

I had dinner with "Heart". It made me smile because after two weeks of silence from both of us due to a misunderstanding, we made up on February 14.

Instead of being with his special someone, he celebrated it with me. We had dinner at Handuraw. Pizza, Potato joejoe, Tortilla chips in Chili dip, Mojito Cocktails and dinner was lovely.

It's funny how sometimes we are almost going to let go of someone and in the end, they insisted to stay and be part of your journey.

Dad and Mom, at their 25th

Sinulog Festival

Wow! I feel so tired for the last few days. I had already promised myself that unless it's not a special occasion, I would not drink and smoke after the Sinulog Festival.

It was a crazy weekend. There were many people in the streets to party for Sinulog. Each year, I realized that Sinulog is not for glorifying anymore but it's a reason for people to party, watch the street dance, and for pigging out. It is a reason for multitude of sins. Hm, I'm not a crazy fanatic and I do believe what is wrong and right but it is really sad how people evolved from the religious connotation that Sinulog possessed in the past. The fireworks were amazing though.

I am starting to exercise again and maybe in a week or two I will go back and enroll in a gym. I am not sure about that yet but I am going to take care of myself for sure. Eat healthy food, lessen all the bad vices and just positive thoughts to attract positive energy.

I'm planning on adding more ink to my back. A big cross would be a good addition. Thinking about it still but by February, I would definitely have added a new design.

A New Lease of Life

It has been a crazy 2011. My wish for 2012 is to have it crazier.

It's my desire to have a baby this year. It's an age that my heart just wanted to love someone unconditionally and someone who would not leave you when the next nice thing comes.

I had the talk with my BFF about it and we have already outlined the plan on what to do and how to handle it. I'm just hoping we can stick to our plans for this year before the baby comes. I am really excited about it.

I would need to curb my lifestyle and stop my vices. I'm happy I am doing it with Bes. At least the father of my child is someone that I do love and is my soul-mate.

Second Place

Earlier, before going home to my parent's place for a much needed vacation, Bes, Mai and I went to IT Park, Cebu to get some cash from the ATM and eat brunch. While we were on the line, some of Bes' friends from another company saw him. He introduced us and he introduced Mai first and his "girlfriend" and me as a second girlfriend. I just let it slip by. We had our brunch and I went to V's place because he was inflicted with the pox. We talked for a while and I went to SM City Cebu to buy some stuff my dad needs. 

On the way home, I was in a trance when suddenly a thought kept on creeping to my consciousness. Bam! Second Place by my Bestfriend! Wow! I texted him and I told him that it just hit me. Am I not your number one girl anymore? Is she the one you want to be with? 

I can't help my insecurities because he would always be my number male friend. I know it's not a game of who should be first or not but, it hurts. 

It may not be a big deal to you but in my end, it is. It's not that my world revolves around you but at least do not let me compete with other girls. I do not even compete with your boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, flings and one night stands because I knew in your end I was your number one girl. But now....

I'm tired already. I guess I need to live with that.

Heart.... Heart... Heart...

Greatest gift for Christmas